Beyond the Mask Read online

  Katie leaned closed and whispered in his ear. “It’s one of the things I like about you, Frank. That, and what you did to me last night.”

  He felt a stirring and tried to repress it, but it was like trying to stop a run away train. Once that part of his anatomy found something that interested it there was nothing Frank could do to stop it.

  Katie brushed his cheek with her lips as she moved away from him. There was a couple with a dark-haired child walking towards the door.

  “Uncle Billy,” Katie said. She moved towards him and they embraced. The wife and child waited for them, saying nothing.

  “I’m so sorry that this is how I see you again,” Uncle Billy said after they’d separated.

  “I know,” Katie said. “I’m sorry I haven’t called more often.”

  Billy waved this away. “After your sister’s funeral, I thought I wouldn’t live to see another one from your side.”

  “It’s been hard on everyone,” Katie said.

  There were tears on Billy’s cheek and Katie wiped them away with her hands. “Oh, Uncle Billy.” She hugged him again.

  “Look at you, comforting me,” Billy said through his sobs. “We’re so proud of the young lady you’ve become.”

  “Thank you,” Katie said and offered one final squeeze.

  Billy and his family gave a wave and entered the church. Frank regarded Katie. She stood in the parking lot. Her body convulsed, but her face was dry.

  Frank walked to her and put an arm around her, but she shrugged it off. When she looked at him, he could see strain on her face.

  “Please, not yet,” she said. “I’m not ready to cry yet.”

  “Why hold it in?” Frank asked.

  “It’s…it’s just not time yet,” she said.

  She grabbed his hand. “Walk in with me, please. I need your strength.”

  Frank led her to the door and they walked in.

  The church was dim and it smelled musty. Frank had been in a few of those mega churches before. Sometimes it was because he was accompanying a woman, more often, though, it was for the very reason he was here now.

  The church wasn’t a mega church. There were no big screen televisions on the walls, no second floor balcony. But it was a big church. The pews spanned back around two hundred feet. The ceiling was high and vaulted.

  The altar consisted of a raised platform that was not quite a stage. There was a podium in the center and a large golden tabernacle sitting back and to the left. On the right was a pipe organ. There was a man sitting at it looking over his sheet music.

  The coffin was on ground level, off of the altar. There was a black cloth draped over it. The head of the casket was open. Frank turned from it. Later, he was sure, he’d have to look, but he could avoid it now.

  The pews were mostly empty. Those in attendance filled the first three rows and they chatted amongst themselves.

  A large section of the first pew was empty. Frank led Katie there and deposited her into her seat. He started to walk away and find a spot behind the family, but Katie’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

  “Sit with me,” she said.

  Frank leaned in to whisper to her. “This is for family.”

  “You were closer to her than most of the family she had left,” Katie whispered back.

  “I don’t know. Don’t you think it might cause a stir with your family.”

  “I don’t care what they think, Frank. This is for my Mother.”

  Frank offered a lame smile to the population of the church in general and then sat down next to Katie.

  Her hand found his and he could feel the sweat from her palm. She squeezed him tightly as they both sat straight-backed facing forward.

  They remained silent while the others whispered around them. When the doors at the back of the room opened and the priest stepped out, they all quieted.

  Frank and Katie stood. He heard the shuffle of feet as the others rose.

  The priest was dressed in a black vestment. It was trimmed with gold. His hair was a steel gray and probably as thick as it had been when he was a boy.

  His glasses caught the scant light from the church and reflected it at the people congregated in the pews.

  Two teenage boys walked behind him holding large votives. Their eyes were somber and their gate was a slow procession. It was as if the priest and his two young friends were walking down a wedding aisle.

  The ceremony of the Catholic Church, Frank thought. People found comfort in those types of things though, didn’t they? The comfort that things would continue as they always had.

  For a second, they walked in silence and then the organ player launched into a rendition of I Am the Bread of Life.

  The priest finally reached a place where there were actually people sitting, and he gave a few solemn nods as he walked by. When he reached the front of the pews, he turned and took Katie’s hand. He looked from her to Frank. Frank nodded back, unsure what the protocol was in this situation.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss,” the priest murmured.

  “Thank you,” Katie whispered back.

  Then the priest was on the move again. He paused at the coffin and looked in. His head was bent and he made a sign of the cross above Sheila’s body.

  There were an arrangement of candles around the coffin, and the altar boys moved from candle to candle lighting them with the votives that each held.

  The priest ascended the steps as the altar boys finished their task and moved to either side of the stairs.

  The priest took his place behind the podium and raised his hands. The mourners sat down in their pews.

  The organist struck the last note of his song and then turned to face the priest.

  “Today we are gathered here in sadness,” the priest said. “But in times such as these there is also room for hope and glory for our almighty Father. So often pain and loss are blotters on our conscience. They push out everything that is good and pure of our lives. Let us gather today not only to mourn the loss of our beloved Sheila Marie Braddock, but to rejoice in her joining with her creator.”

  The priest paused to let his words sink in. He was in total command of the room and he knew it. He exemplified the best qualities in a priest, any public speaker really, an ability to gauge his audience and convey his thoughts in easy pieces.

  “We offer our sincere condolences to Kathleen Braddock and promise to aid her in any way possible during her period of grief.”

  Frank could feel the eyes of all the people gathered shift towards him and Katie. His body stiffened as he waited for their gaze to abate, it finally did when the priest spoke again.

  “In the church’s solemn liturgy of the Eucharist, sadness is transformed by hope. Here, in this place of love and prayer, such sadness can begin to be vanquished. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, through his own death and resurrection, has overcome death. And so, as believers of the faith, let us now pray.”

  Frank waited for Katie to release her grip on his hand so that he could clasp them together, but she didn’t. Instead, he lowered his head and closed his eyes.

  “Almighty God, our father, it is our faith that your son, Jesus Christ, died and rose to life. We pray for the soul of our deceased friend and sister, Sheila Braddock. We ask you in your love and compassion to raise her up on the last day and share in the glory of Christ, who reigns at your side with the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever.”

  “Amen,” Frank said. He heard the rest utter the rote response. Katie, sitting next to him, said nothing.

  Then came the readings. It was the standard fair, first Corinthians, Romans, John, Luke. It all washed over Frank. He stood and sat at the correct places, feeling like a puppet being controlled by unseen hands.

  All the while, he thought about his patrol. His cell phone was on vibrate-there were few things more embarrassing than getting a phone call in the middle of a funeral-but it had sat idle in his pocket.

  Finally the priest had finished his porti
on of the sermon and he looked out on the audience with a smile .

  “At this time, I would like to invite Katie up to give the eulogy.”

  Katie finally released Frank’s hand back to him and she stood and made her way to the altar.

  Her legs shook as she took each step and she walked slowly, like an elderly woman who knew that any misstep could lead to a bone break that might signal the beginning of the end.

  When she turned to face them from behind the podium, Frank could see the wetness on her cheeks. She was still holding it in, but sometimes tears had a way of leaking out no matter how hard you held them.

  “Thank you all for coming today.”

  Her eyes were focused on Frank.

  “This is a difficult time for me, made more difficult by all the things that my Mom and I went through together and I could not be here today without your support and comfort.”

  Katie paused, bent her head, and the priest stepped forward to whisper something to her. Katie looked at him and nodded her head. Then she turned back to the gathered family and friends.

  “My Mom was more than just a Mom, she was a friend. I know that mothers aren’t supposed to be friends with their children, but we were all we had. It was her and I against the world. Sometimes she would drive me nuts.”

  Katie laughed and more tears spilled down her cheeks.

  “But I wasn’t exactly the easiest daughter in the world either. The thing that my Mom had, more than anyone else that I’ve ever met, was strength. It didn’t matter what life threw at her, she found a way to pick herself up and move on. There were things that happened that would have destroyed me, almost did destroy me, but it was her reserve of strength, which she gave freely to anyone who wanted it, that kept me going.”

  There were nods and whispered bits of conversation. Frank could agree. He had seen that strength first hand. Sheila let herself be rocked by it, and she had her own way of dealing with it, but then she had put her life together and moved on. Except that shadow had never really left her face.

  “In times like this, it’s my Mom who I would usually turn to, but I can’t anymore. I have to find my own strength and because of her love and support…” Katie paused. She took a step back from the podium and put a hand over her mouth. After a second she stepped back to the microphone.

  “Because of her love and support, I think that I now have the strength to go forward on my own. I love you Mom and I hope that I get the chance to see you again one day.”

  Katie walked from the podium, briefly touching hands with the priest.

  Instead of coming back to her seat she turned and walked out the side door. Frank watched her go, unsure of what to do.

  The priest was walking back towards the podium and Frank decided he needed to move now, he stood, hunched over so as not to obstruct the view of the people behind him, and followed her out the door.

  By the time he reached her, she had another cigarette in her hand. She looked towards the opening door and smiled at him.

  “That was terrible.”

  “No,” Frank said. He put his hand on her arm. “It was good.”

  “I just…” She trailed off and took another puff of her cigarette. Her body shook.

  “Just cry,” Frank said. As he spoke, he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Something down towards the back of the church, where the grass marched out towards the woods.

  “It’s not time yet,” Katie said.

  Frank barely heard her, his attention was focused on the stone corner of the building, then he saw the flicker again, this time he could see the face peering from around the corner.

  “That son of a bitch,” Katie said.

  Frank turned, she had followed his gaze. She whipped her head back to Frank.

  “You brought him.”

  “I had nothing to do with this,” Frank said.

  Bentley stepped out from behind the church. There was a sheepish-I’ve been caught- look on his face.

  “Get out of here!” Katie screamed.

  Bentley froze mid stride and looked from Katie to Frank.

  There was more movement from his periphery and Frank turned towards the door.

  “Your family is coming.”

  Katie ran towards Bentley. A primordial scream ripped from her throat as she ran. She was wearing heels and the grass slowed her down some, but it still took Frank’s full effort to catch up with her before she reached Bentley.

  Bentley broke his freeze and ran around the corner of the church. Frank saw Katie make the turn, she was almost in grasping distance, then she disappeared behind the wall.

  Frank bumped against the corner of the building with his shoulder and felt a deep sting. He reached out and grabbed Katie’s elbow. Her arms were up and she was brandishing her nails as if they were claws. Her mouth was open in a snarl and the scream had turned to something that was almost a growl.

  “I’ll kill you,” she hissed.

  Bentley pressed his back against the wall.

  Katie lunged for him and then spun to the right against Frank’s grasp.

  “Let me go,” she screamed.

  “Wait,” Bentley said. “I didn’t come here to make you angry.”

  “Settle down,” Frank said.

  “Let me go!” Katie’s voice was raw and on the verge of breaking.

  “Please,” Bentley said. “Please just let me talk. I came to apologize to you.”

  “Go,” Frank said.

  Bentley looked at him with wide eyes.

  “I need to make amends,” Bentley said.

  “I told you not to come, now get the hell out of here.”

  “But I had to see her,” Bentley said.

  Frank struggled to hold Katie, she was bucking and thrashing. Her arms pistoned away from him.

  Bentley stepped out from the wall. “Katie, I just want to tell you…”

  That’s when her arm slipped from Frank’s hold. She collided with Bentley and drove him to the ground. The grass was high on this side of the church and Bentley was almost buried in it.

  Katie was on top of him and her nails worked on his face. Frank had regained himself and attempted to get a hold of her arms, but they were pin wheeling in a crazy pattern that he couldn’t predict.

  He reached out his hands and all he got for his pains were battered fingers as her elbows slammed into him.

  Frank could see blood blossoming on Bentley’s face.

  When she was done with the claws, she slammed her hands into the sides of his head. They weren’t really punches, more slaps that consisted of open palms and wrists. Bentley drew his arms up to his head to try and protect himself from the barrage.

  Frank was finally able to snake one of his arms into hers and he pulled the screaming banshee off.

  Katie sucked hair through her mouth in great whoops. Her struggling was now just a matter of course rather than an actual attempt to get at the kid.

  Bentley stood up; there were lines across his face, most of them oozing blood. The skin around them was red and inflamed.

  “I know that you needed to do that,” Bentley said.

  “So much more,” Katie panted.

  “I get that. I understand all the pain I’ve caused you and your family. I just needed to apologize to you and let you know that the therapy worked. I’m not the monster I was.”

  “Once a monster always a fucking monster,” Katie growled.

  “To some,” Bentley said.

  “Get out of here,” Frank said. “Please go.”

  “I will,” Bentley said. “Please, I’m sorry.”

  With that, he turned and walked away. Frank kept a hold of Katie until he had turned the corner and was out of sight.

  When he was, Katie wheeled on Frank. “You should have let me kill him.”

  Frank took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. He saw the crazed look fading away and some semblance of sanity returning. “You’re better than he is,” Frank said. “If you killed him, you would
have hated yourself forever.”

  Katie pressed her body against his and began to cry.

  IV.

  They re-entered the church. Everyone had gone except for the person that they needed to see. She was where she had been for the entire service, in her box in front of the stage.

  Throughout the entire confrontation with Bentley, Katie had screamed, she had shrieked and she had growled, but she hadn’t cried. Not one tear.

  That time had passed. Now that they were alone in the church, all the friends and family gone to the reception, Katie stood in front of her mother’s coffin and finally stopped fighting.

  Frank had never seen a person so engulfed with weeping. It could have been that she’d held it all in and it built up like water at a dyke. Perhaps it was something else.

  In this way, Frank and Bentley weren’t much different. His father had died of cancer when he was just a boy. His memories of him were fragmented at best and although he missed him at times he never experienced an epic sorrow.

  His own mother had died when he was older. She had suffered a cardiac arrest a year before Frank had first met Bentley. The decision to pull the plug had been Frank’s alone, he was an only child, and he had made it without hesitation after the neurologist explained to him that, based on her brain activity, if she ever did come out of her coma she would never be able to feed herself. Would never, in fact, have any memories of who she was or who Frank was.

  She would not want to have lived like that. After a week, Frank made the decision to pull the plug. He sat by her in her hospital bed and held her cold hand. He was there while she struggled to breath. Each gasp coming farther and farther apart. Until finally there was the final one, a choked gurgle that escaped her mouth and seized her body, then there was nothing.

  Frank had wept then. Wept very hard, but it was different. A week was a long time to accept that someone you loved was not coming back and there had been many small crying jags in the hospital.

  Katie held on to the coffin for support as the force of her sobs threatened to drive her to the ground. Through the choking cries she repeated something over and over to her mother. Frank couldn’t make it out at first.

  Part of him wanted to step forward and put an arm around her, but he held back. It was probably better if she were as alone as she could be with her mother and her grief.